So, Your Nurse Declined Your Friend Request…

Well, guys, it happened.

I got my first Facebook friend request from a patient.

I’ve been sitting on it for weeks, unsure how I wanted to handle this. I mean, this decision carries some weight since it’s setting a precedent for the rest of my career. It’s opening a potential floodgate.  I know I have a pamphlet in my locker warning nurses to use social media carefully since these online relationships can have some serious repercussions. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’ve been asking my peers how they handle the patient-friend boundary lines, too. I wanted to spend some time here talking this out – as I’m still exploring my feelings on this –  though I think my decision is made.

…anticlimactic drum-roll please….

I will not be accepting any social media connection from anyone that has been under my care or could potentially be under my care in the future. I’ve got some reasons, I think.

1. Slippery Slope. It’s the elementary school birthday party guest list nightmare all over again. Mom said “If you invite some kids, you gotta invite them all. Otherwise, you’re gonna hurt feelings.” That’s why, that one year for my birthday party, fellow kid N.M. popped all my balloons and C.J. just sat in the corner and softly cried to go home. It just wasn’t meant to be an all-inclusive environment.

If I accept one, I gotta accept ’em all. And I don’t really like ’em all. Is that mean to say? No. It’s reality. I take great care of each one. I just don’t necessarily want them to see all my vacation photos. 😉

2. Don’t Clutter the Relationship. I am a very opinionated woman on political and social issues, generally in the direction of helping those who get screwed by the world at large. The current political climate has divided our nation and it’s also soured me towards some people whom I had no idea held opinions I find horrifically wrong and unkind. At times, I’d rather not know so I’m not subconsciously swayed.

I provide the best care I can for every patient I see – whether they be jerks, sweethearts, prisoners, executives, homeless folks, or whatever. Their care should not vary based on how I perceive them.

This is easy in theory and tough in practice. So I’d rather not clutter up this critical relationship with my patient with info about their views on politics, social issues, or personal beliefs unrelated to their care. More importantly, I don’t want them to question whether they can trust me because I posted a meme that opposes a meme they posted. I don’t want them to think I won’t help them because we voted for different people last year. I like keeping work, work and personal, personal. I’ll still get to know my patient in ways that benefit our therapeutic relationship, but I pray they don’t small talk about immigration as I give them their insulin.

3. HIPAA (and liability) HOLLA! Uh, yeah, I’m not an expert on privacy laws, but I really don’t want to lose my job, my license, my money and go to jail over an accidental slip-up online…………..sooooooo I just don’t wanna touch patient communication on social media with a ten-foot pole. I don’t want someone who doesn’t have my obsession for boundaries to be instant messaging me asking me if I can give them advice about their meds or poop or something.

4. I’ve worked with some difficult patients, and a few are quite manipulative. I worry that having access to information I or my family/friends post could be used negatively, even if it’s not information that I consider highly private. I’m not actively worried about myself or family being stalked, but I just like to play a zero-risk game when I can.

OK, so those are the big reasons. As far as some of the opinions expressed by co-workers and friends, the answers have been varied but lean towards the general opinion of “don’t do it”.  A few said they regret accepting patients and now they feel obligated to accept them all. Some didn’t care, citing they’re not very active on facebook. Others said they felt they reserved the right to pick and choose and didn’t see any problems when they cared for those patients again (I work with a population we get to see often and know fairly well).

My verdict and advice to you, if you haven’t already, don’t go down this road.

If you have accepted patients as friends on social media and have had positive experiences, I’d love to hear from you.

If you’re one of my patients and you’ve stumbled upon my blog, understand that regardless of my personal feelings for you, I will be your advocate, protector, educator and TLC-giver when I see you in that hospital room next. I hope to not see you soon. ❤


Hospitality for Your Floaters & Travelers

When I see a nurse  or CNA I don’t recognize creeping sheepishly into our conversation-filled report room at shift change, I make a point to say hello, ask if they’re joining us and give them a warm welcome. Let’s face it, for new and experienced nurses alike, floating can be stressful. It’s even worse when you walk into a room and your co-workers for the next twelve or so hours don’t acknowledge your presence, or they do and it’s smile-less and brisk. This can set a sour tone for the shift and put the balance of the team off-kilter.

If you need a floater or a traveler to complete your staffing for the shift, you’d better treat them well. After all, the whole point of them being there is to help you. Otherwise those extra patients get spread around an already thin staff.  I believe in the five-star treatment for our guest nurses and CNAs. Introduce yourself, get them connected with the charge nurse for their assignment, and don’t forget to show them around – the bathroom, med rooms, linen closets, lightswitches, etc. Wasted minutes and frustrations add up when you can’t find things during a busy shift.

I had a particularly bad float experience years ago when I went to a unit where I didn’t have access to the bathroom. My badge wasn’t recognized by the door readers on that unit, so each time I had to pee or access my personal items, I had to ask another staff member to let me in. I got rolled eyes and huffy replies. To this day, I hate floating there. It’s all about how I was treated. Not as a helpful staff member, but as an annoyance….how do you think I felt asking permission to pee?

Here are my top tips for Floater Hospitality, in no particular order:

1. Intro to the unit and the staff. Give a general idea of layout, what support staff are usually around, if there are special expectations  or times for care of your patient population, and introduce them to other nurses and CNAs. Let them know who to ask if they have questions or problems.

2. Check in periodically to make sure they’re acclimating ok. Just a throw ’em a quick “Hey, you doing ok? Need anything?” when you have a free minute.  This should be a courtesy extended to every member of your team, but especially to staff members who might be struggling and not know how or who to ask for help….unless you took my advice from step 1, in which case they know how to get the assistance they need. 😉

3. If you have time, be chatty and learn something about them. They might have a particular strength that you can learn from, or they might be an ally to you when you float to their unit. Who knows – maybe they’ll love your unit and apply for a  permanent job and make your team that much better. Networking in nursing is never a bad thing and can lead to relationships and opportunities that become valuable down the road.

4. If they’re going to be with you awhile, or if they’re new to the area, adopt them. Include them in any out-of-work activities your colleagues might participate in on days off or after work. I found a new nurse bff that way….he knows who he is. 😉 I’ve met lots of cool traveling nurses and many have decided to stay with us for many “re-ups” of their contracts. We just said goodbye to a great lady who was with us for 6 months. That’s because we have our nursing hospitality down. We love our floats and travelers and we want them to WANT to come back and work with us.

5. On a more serious note: set aside your resentments that travelers make more money than you to work along side you- you get to go home to your family and own bed at night. Sure, I wish all nurses, travelers or not, made a nice little bankroll. But look at the non-monetary rewards and drawbacks of travel vs stationary nurses. Set aside any bitterness towards these nurses who are taking a huge chance leaving home to work somewhere they may know no one. Treat them like you would want to be treated if you were the new kid on the block.

6. If you see any co-workers being less than hospitable, do what you can to show that a bullying mentality is not gonna fly on your unit. If you don’t feel comfortable telling someone to stop negative behavior, you can at least be a positive example of a hospitable nurse and team player.

If I’ve learned anything working in a hospital for years, it’s that a person you work with once today may someday become a permanent co-worker. Or you may find that you’re on their unit, feeling stressed and out of your element, looking for a friendly face to make the float less stressful. In any case, it’s always best to foster good working relationships, including with those single-serving co-workers helping out for a shift or short-term travelers. Keep your nurse karma good and treat your nursing brothers and sisters to a warm welcome when they come your way.